Have you found yourself in a place where all you do is respond to your child with a raised voice or yelling?
This was definitely me at an earlier stage of becoming a mom.
I thought the only way I could get my point across to my children was through yelling.
I didn’t want to yell at them of course, but it was the only thing that I saw to be effective.
I began to find myself in a yelling cycle, which caused me to become an angry mama.
But little did I know there was actually a better way to train my children to listen – without yelling.
Once God delivered me from using anger as a first response with my children, I was able to allow the Holy Spirit to teach me how to respond in love.
If you have found yourself constantly yelling at your child for every.little.thing but want to stop, there are a few things you will need to do.
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How to Stop Yelling at Your Child:
1. ADMIT YOU WANT TO STOP:
Admitting we have a problem that needs attention can be one of the hardest things to do, but once we do, we are able to recognize what’s causing the problem.
This may start with asking for help/suggestions from a friend or spouse.
Several moms go through A LOT of similar situations, but often don’t talk about what they go through with others because they don’t want to feel like a failure as a parent.
I’ve been there, done that, and I’m done with that!
There’s too many moms who need to hear what you’re going through or have gone through so that you can help them overcome their struggles.
So be willing to admit you need help and accept it once it comes.
(James 5:16, NIV) “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous person is powerful and effective.”
2. IDENTIFY YOUR ANGER TRIGGERS:
Have you stopped to look at what’s causing you to lash out on your child?
In order to prevent using anger as your first response, you have to actually look at what causes you to get frustrated/angry.
Is it the tantrum your toddler has whenever he/she doesn’t get what they want?
Is it the siblings arguing about the toy they had first?
Is it the attitude you child has toward you?
Is it the kids not settling down before bed?
Is it the refusal of your child finishing their food?
Is it the many times your child refuses to listen to what you say?
Is it not having enough time to yourself to regroup?
Is it the many things you have on your schedule?
Is it being tired and frustrated from a lack of help around the house?
Whatever it is, begin to identify and document what triggers you to snap and once identified, ask God to help you to respond to those situations in love.
In my Free 5-day email course Control Your Anger: Fruit of the Spirit Challenge, there is a printable worksheet to document what triggers your anger and what you can do differently to have a better outcome.
3. RECOGNIZE IF YOU’RE IN A YELLING CYCLE:
Do you visualize/replay how you were talked to as a child?
Do you raise your voice or yell at your child as a first response to something they’ve done?
Do you easily get frustrated or angered from the littlest thing your child does?
Do you feel justified for yelling at your child because of what they did?
These are just a few questions you can ask yourself to see if you’re in a yelling cycle.
If the answer is yes to any of these, you will need to retrain yourself to respond to your child with a more gentle approach.
Many times the root of uncontrollable anger stems from how you were treated in your childhood.
If you were constantly yelled at, physically or emotionally abused as a child and never dealt with the feelings behind being treated that way, you will carry that hurt into your adulthood and pass it to your children.
(Exodus 34:6, NIV) “…The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”
I realized I was in a yelling cycle when I became a mom and yelled at my children to get my point across for nearly everything. Unfortunately this was the only way I knew to get my kids to listen because of how I was raised.
My parents grew up in a generation where yelling and spanking to get their point across was the norm.
They had more of an Authoritarian discipline style of parenting: having high expectations of behavior that the child may not be developmentally capable of accomplishing.
Authoritarian style discipline is based on having control of the child through fear, and barely allowing him/her to make decisions of their own.
I don’t blame my parents for this style of parenting one bit.
They only did what they knew to be best and I am grateful they raised me to fear God and respect authority, but there are more gentle approaches for this to be accomplished as well.
But because of how I was raised, I tried to carry this fear-based parenting style into my family with little success.
After failing to see the behavior in our children my husband and I desired, we gave up doing things our way and sought God on how to discipline His way.
This taught me to be open to different discipline methods that are able to teach children to obey their parents and respect authority, without yelling.
4. BE WILLING TO CHANGE HOW YOU RESPOND:
Once you admit you have a problem, identify your anger triggers, and recognize if you’re in a yelling cycle – you must be willing to make change in order to see change.
As I mentioned before, you must be willing to allow God to retrain how you respond to your child.
For example, instead of practicing the emotion of anger, you will need to practice empathy and compassion.
Empathy is being able to relate to someone’s situation by expressing similar feelings.
Compassion is having the desire to understand someone’s circumstance by taking action to help.
These two qualities will teach you how to first respond by understanding your child’s needs so that you don’t respond immediately with anger.
As your kids become adults, you want them to remember their childhood to be a pleasant experience, so be willing to do what it takes to ensure that.
So I encourage you to forgive whoever may have caused you trauma, ask God to heal your heart and break the cycle of yelling off your family – so that you can respond to your children in love with a gentle response.
(Proverbs 15:1, NIV) “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
If you are ready to respond to your child with love instead of anger and grow in God’s loving character through the Fruit of the Spirit, signup for my FREE 5-day email course: Control Your Anger Fruit of the Spirit Challenge!
I hope this was helpful for you!
Has yelling been your first response to get your point across to your children? If so, what are you putting in place to change how you respond?
Please share in the comments below. I’d love to hear it!